Pabbles
by Vamplien
Summary: Perverted drabbles in which I make everyone get mad at me for ruining their favorite characters. You have been warned.
1. Not In A Soup Mood

Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket. That person who owns Fruits Basket owns Fruits Basket.

* * *

Kyo stared down at his soup deep in thought.

"Kyo, is there something wrong with the soup?" Tohru asked, a worried expression covering her face.

"No, it's fine. I'm just not really in the soup mood." Kyo responded glumly.

Yuki rolled his eyes. "Just eat the soup you stupid cat. Miss Honda has enough to do without having to make you a seperate meal because you're not in the "mood" for soup."

"Honestly Kyo, you're so terrible trying to push all this work on our darling little flower." Shigure gasped, shaking his finger at Kyo.

Kyo turned red and got ready to shout at the zodiac members, but Tohru suddenly jumped up, excitement gleaming in her eyes.

"Oh, well if you're not in the soup mood, I have just the thing!" she started enthusiastically.

"No Tohru, it's fine just... sit down okay? you don-" Kyo replied, but Tohru was already on a roll.

"Arisa was telling me about it at lunch at school yesterday. It's a special dish, a little tart but it's supposed to be amazing!"

"It's seriously a once in a lifetime opportunity. She says you're not supposed to give it to just anyone, but I'd be glad to give it to you Kyo!"

"I've never done it before, so I'm not sure how it'll turn out, but the very idea just excites me!" she blushed.

"In fact, I've been wanting to try it myself, but I'm not exactly sure how to do it." She smiled over at Kyo, who was slowly turning purple.

"Maybe you could help me Kyo! It'll be fun, trust me."

She then looked over at Yuki who had a jealous expression on his face. She gasped and quickly added,

"Oh Yuki, you could help too! I'm pretty sure you can do it with three people!"

There were two thumps as both Yuki and Kyo hit the ground, blood gushing out of their noses.

Shigure looked over at Tohru, amazed and slightly disturbed.

She frowned.

"I guess they don't like salmon basted with lemon sauce, do they?"

* * *

I'm sorry I'm making Tohru say perverted things. The idea just came to me. I couldn't stop it. BUT, you know you loved it. -wink wink.


	2. Thumps

You asked for it, and now you have it. Some more pervy writings from your favorite pervy writer.

Disclaimer: Still don't own Fruits Basket, but if I did, these would all be actual scenes.

* * *

"We're home!" Tohru sang out, opening the door for Kyo and Yuki.

Silence.

Tohru looked around, confused.

"Did Shigure go out on an errand or something?" Kyo grumbled, kicking off his shoes. Damn school, making him learn stuff.

Then they all heard a thumping noise.

"What's that, do you think?" Tohru wondered out loud, and headed towards the noise.

Yuki and Kyo looked at each other and followed quickly after her.

They all stopped outside Shigure's bedroom.

Thump.

"God Ayame, seriously. I told you where to put it. Just put it there already!"

"Oh ho ho, my dear Shigure, I am trying! It's just such a tight squeeze."

Thump.

"Geez, could you do it any harder?"

"If you wish it, I shall grant it!"

THUMP.

THUMP.

"Okay there we go, that should be good-"

THUMP!

"Ayame! We're done! You need to stop!"

"Ah, but now it's out of place. This is really hard."

"Well, we'll just have to put it in again."

Thump.

Yuki and Kyo were looking at the door with sheer looks of horror on their faces.

Tohru, who apparently hasn't had sex ed in all her years as a teenager, was just standing there. Blissfully ignorant.

The door opened.

Shigure was standing there, fully clothed, with Ayame behind him.

"Ah, children! You are back from your wonderful fun-filled day at school! Care to see my new couch? Honestly, it took forever getting it into that corner."

* * *

You knew Shigure and Ayame had to appear. Poor Yuki and Kyo, I'm abusing them so much. Well, poor Kyo anyway.


	3. The Birds and The Bees

Taken from my last chapter, I decided it's about time for Tohru to get some sex ed. And who better to do it then... Haru, when he's in black mode?

Disclaimer: No, I don't own Fruits Basket. Thanks for reminding me.

* * *

Haru was in a bad mood.

A really, REALLY bad mood.

And what was the cause of this bad mood you ask?

A bee came out of nowhere and stung the poor ox on his arm.

Momiji and Tohru, who were running around playing in the flowery field in front of him, came over to see what was wrong.

"Oh Haru," Tohru gasped, "Did you get stung? Oh this is terrible! I didn't bring a first aid kit!"

Momiji just looked on, concerned.

"S'all right Tohru," Haru drawled, his eyes darkening,"It's nothing to worry about."

He looked over at her, one side of his mouth curving up into a suggestive smile.

"Of course, I can think of a few things that could make me feel better."

He slyly pulled her next to him and wrapped his arm around her, leaning on the tree behind him.

"Oh!" she gasped, blushing.

Momiji giggled and sat cross-legged in front of them.

"Now Tohru," Haru said conversationally,"I assume you've never been told about the birds and the bees."

Tohru looked confused.

"But, I love birds! They're so beautiful, always fluttering about. I've always wondered what it'd be like to have wings. It'd be so exciting! And bees, well I know what they are of course. One of them stung you just now, right?"

Haru sighed. "No my poor, naive Tohru, I mean the other birds and the bees. Momiji hasn't had this talk yet either, so I'm going to have to enlighten you both."

Momiji smiled and leaned forward on his elbows excitedly. Tohru just sat there, unaware of what she was about to learn. And unable to stop it from coming.

"Well you see, when a girl and a boy reach a certain age, they begin to feel certain things about members of the opposite gender. or the same gender, to each their own I guess..."

* * *

Tohru walked in the door of Shigure's house, blushing heavily.

Kyo, sitting on the floor and eating a rice ball looked over at her inquisitively. "You're back already? What happened?"

If it was possible, Tohru's face went even redder.

"Well, I now know what Haru did to prove his natural hair color to the school president."

* * *

Ah, she needed to hear it. However, the next chapters aren't necessarily a continuation of this, so she will still be naive mostly. Read and review, please.


	4. Normal Enough

I just realized that Momiji didn't talk at all in the last chapter. So now it's time for him to talk, or well... think. Pevertedly, ahahaha.

Disclaimer: I own Fruits Basket. Err, not really. Don't sue me please, I was kidding.

* * *

Momiji skipped through the halls, waving to everyone, humming a happy tune, you know the jist.

He was a hyper little rabbit. Who knew the secret to making babies.

Yes, when Haru had told him he had feigned ignorance. He had pretended he didn't know and stayed to listen to his lecture.

Really he just thought it would be funny to watch Tohru's face change colors, and her horrified expression almost made him laugh out loud.

But yes, he had had the talk already. From Hatori. And he almost died from laughing so hard. He'd never seen Hatori blush.

And like any normal (well, normal enough) teenage boy, he had been curious.

So he went to Shigure, to shed some more light on the subject. And just like that, his childhood innocence was gone.

So what you saw everyday, the happy-happy-joy-joy persona was a lie.

A LIE I TELL YOU!

He was a perverted little 15-year-old rabbit!

He hid it rather well actually, but underneath all that adorable fluffy cuteness, he was a normal enough teenager.

Who looked at porn.

* * *

I had to! Don't kill me! I'm serious, there's got to be SOMETHING bad underneath his adorable exterior. R & R please? You can yell at me for ruining Momiji.


	5. Secret Message

Okay so I was contemplating bring Hiro and Kisa in for something because seriously, I knew way too much in middle school anyway. Time to ruin their childhood innocence. Via The Lion King.

Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket or The Lion King.

* * *

"Hiro?" Kisa said softly, knocking on his door. It opened and Hiro stood there, yawning. She woke him up from his afternoon nap.

"Yeah Kisa? What's up?" he asked, assuming the worst. She was probably going to make him come with her to that stupid woman's house again.

She blushed and mumbled something, pressing her fingers together. He cocked his head to the side.

"Speak up, will you? I don't bite," he grumbled, narrowing his eyes.

"I was wondering if maybe you might watch this video with me Hiro!" she squeaked out, staring at the ground. He blinked.

"Sure, what is it called?" he questioned, surpressing another yawn. Middle schoolers sleep all day when they can. It's a known fact. Seriously, there's statistics and everything.

"Um, the uh, Lion King," she answered, smiling excitedly, "It's a western film, and it only just recently came out in Japanese! I really want to watch it!"

"Well then let's go to it then," he said, smiling smugly. Hah, the annoying woman didn't get invited this time. It'd just be him and Kisa, watching a movie. Almost like a date, no loud-mouth cats, no perverted uncles, and no stupid babbling love rival.

"Great! Let's go over to onee-chan's house to watch it," she beamed, skipping down the hall towards the door. Hiro deflated.

Shoot.

* * *

Tohru happily popped the DVD into the DVD player, and sat down next to Kisa.

"This is going to be a great movie! I can just feel it," Tohru exclaimed, bouncing up and down. Kisa smiled.

"Hmph. You can't just feel that a movie is going to be good. What are you, psychic? That's amazing. Predict something, hotshot," Hiro grumbled, glaring at Tohru.

"Hiro," Kisa said quietly, looking at him sadly with her big brown eyes. Tohru just shrugged it off, completely used to him insulting her.

After that they were all quiet as they watched the movie.

* * *

They were at the part where Nala and Simba were chasing each other around and "Can You Feel The Love Tonight" was playing.

Hiro's stomach grumbled.

"Hey, get me something to eat will you?" Hiro said, looking over at Tohru.

"Ah right, snacks!" she said, bonking herself on the forehead, "How could I forget? I'll go get some now Hiro!"

She paused the DVD and bustled off into the kitchen.

Hiro yawned again, looking over at where Kisa was sitting. She was looking around the room, when she suddenly shot up in excitement.

"Hiro, look! The petals on the screen are spelling something out!" she exclaimed, rocking back and forth on her heels.

"Oh?" he mumbled, casting his eyes over the screen. He gasped.

"Ano let's see, there's an s... an e, maybe?" Kisa started, trying to make out the word.

Hiro jumped up. "Kisa don't read tha-"

"And an x!"

* * *

Ahahahahaha, this isn't a lie. If you pause the movie at a specific time when the petals fly up in the air, it spells out sex. This made me giggle when I was writing it. Hope you liked it and don't get mad at me for making Kisa spell out sex. R & R please.


	6. Hiatus

I'm going to temporarily put this on hiatus. Truthfully, I've ran out of ideas and I need some time to get the old idea wheel turning.

Plus, I've got alot of school work, an essay, a powerpoint, (insert excuse here), etc.

So bear with me please, and maybe tell me something you'd like me to do.

Yes, this is a ploy to get more reviews with little effort. You caught me.

But anyway, I also have some new story ideas tumbling around in my brain. And back-flipping, and cartwheeling, and doing various gymnastic moves. Now all I need is the time.

Hahaha, time. What an unfamiliar concept.

-Vamplien

P.S. If you do send me an idea, make sure it's T-rated or under. Don't want to scare the kids. (What kids? Kids really shouldn't be reading this stuff.)

... Whatever! You know what I mean. No graphic sex scenes. Okay? Okay.


	7. Discontinued

Okay doke. Now you haven't heard from me in a while, and I'm not sure if anyone is really going to care at all, but I'm discontinuing Pabbles and Illegal Substance.

I figured they'd be short anyway, but I did that thing when I started up FanFiction again and just launched into a billion different stories. So I'm officially ending both of my drabbles, seeing as it's not like I'm leaving a cliffhanger.

Also, I'm going to be rewriting Rune Factory 2: Naruto Style. I was half-asleep when i started it, which is my excuse for why it's so hideously awful. I'm also going to be doing it in past tense, cause I really suck at writing in present tense as I know now.

And that's about it. So please don't be mad at me, thank you for your support, etc.

I'm back, and I'll be trying to update more frequently.

P.S. I may be rewriting Gathering the Courage and maybe extending it into something more than a one-shot. It's not very popular, but I feel like I could do more with it, so check that out once I get around to it. It was a little more dramatic then I had planned, but there's a reason for that so I'm going to explain it more when I get around to it.


End file.
